My oldest daughter called me last night. She was very pleasant and upbeat. It turns out that her Father-in-law is going to arrive in Utah on Tuesday night I think, and she believes that they'll be able to hit the road Wed. night or Thursday a.m. This means that she and the grandbaby will be at my home with the U-Haul on Friday, or a week from today!
Ron and I have a LOT of work to get done. The study will be my granddaughter's room, the empty bedroom that is currently storage will be my daughter's bedroom. They have a connecting door, so that will work out well for them I think. We have to sheetrock below the new windows we put in (the old windows were 3 foot by 7 foot, the new ones are 3 foot by 5 foot), mud, putty, sand, paint, and re-carpet the one room. All before next weekend. It's frightening really.
Mom seemed chipper the 3x or more that we talked yesterday. I often wonder how the nights are for her. I can't imagine after 50 years of marriage what it must be like to have a constantly empty home. Mom confided to me last night that she still has her moments, and now during the night she lines pillows down dad's side of the bed so that it feels like someone is there. My heart goes out to her on that one, but this is one of those things in life that one must go through and can't really be fixed. And while I feel for her greatly there's nothing I could do at the time when we found dad passed, and there's nothing I can do for her now to make every moment better. I can't completely stave off that loneliness that creeps in. I try, but I know a daughter and a husband hardly compare when it comes to comfort, compatibility, and what personal stuff one shares.
That aside, my Uncle had called me hunting Mom last night as he had someone who wanted to walk through the KC house (Mom has it for sale by owner at the moment) and they had some questions about square footage, where the lateral lines are, and other such stuff that only Mom would know. I had already spoken to mom on the way to work, then again on the way home, that seems to be our routine now, but when I called her again she didn't answer. She did start worrying me for a bit. It turns out she had gone to her friends' house, the friend who lives just behind me honestly, and had I yelled across my back yard loud enough I might have gotten Mom's attention. Too funny, huh?
I am glad Mom has so many local friends. Did I mention 165 folks attended a viewing or the service for my father? I'm also glad they did get to move "down home" for their retirement like they wanted to. That's honestly the primary reason Ron and I moved here to Podunk, so that Mom & Dad would be able to "move home" upon retirement, and so that we would be nearby to care for them as they aged.
Since of their children Ron and I were the only ones reguarly meeting with the folks, checking on them most mornings (I used to stop and check on them, grab coffee, then head on down to the college in downtown KC 5 days per week), we went over every weekend, we mowed for them, laid their patio, repaired a few things around their KC house, and did this kind of stuff for many years, we came to assume we'd always be the ones alotted their primary assisting support as they aged. And so that's how it's gone, though I must say I never expected dad to pass so young.
Anyway, the plan had been in the works for awhile between the folks and ourselves to move here to podunk together, but had mainly been a pipe-dream for a long time. Reality knocked though. Ron was permanently laid off from his job of 10+ years when the plant shut down operation in April 2002, and we were at a crossroads as to what to do. He did go to school and earn a degree in HVAC, but when he graduated from that in Dec '02 there still wasn't a lot of promise. The economy wasn't going great even then.
Ron was also having some difficulty with his ex wife moving to a house just a few blocks from our home, and then with her behaviors in showing up at our home unannounced, calling at all hours, showing up at our door if we didn't immediately answer the phone, and it was honestly awkward for us (as newly weds married in 2000) to have her constantly keeping tabs on our every move. She tended to show up at even my biological kids' events if she knew Ron would be there, she'd show up at the same eating places, movies or stores if she spotted our car there, or if the boys tipped her off that we would be there. KC is NOT such a small town where one constantly runs into another. A few times here and there would have been understood, but it began to get way too frequent for comfort. We knew we wanted a bit more distance. We married in 2000, had Ben in 2001, and had really hoped for more privacy from the ex's than was allowed even in 2002. We put up with it until 2004, then decided it was time to move.
In addition to Ron's ex, my own had started showing up randomly, unnannounced, often drunk, and was trying to convince my son to live with him so he wouldn't have to pay child support. I did try working with him as much as possible, but when he was in an auto accident while drinking and driving one Saturday a.m. (yes, with Max in the car with him) I had to nix encouraging those plans. It didn't go well, and he began a harassment campaign of his own. We had two ex's showing up randomly and interfering, and it was miserable.
Then came the big blow: my son Max got arrested at the prime age of 10 for taking his ADHD meds to school and passing them out to other kids as Esctacy (I dunno how it's spelled). That he even KNEW about that kind of street drug in 5th grade was frightening enough, and it was not something he learned at home. That's when Ron and I really decided to step things up.
And so we went. We looked for a home, and the folks looked with us as they knew the area down here better than we did. We moved here to Podunk in April 2004. The folks bought their house in 2005, then followed with a full time move when they retired in 2006. We have no regrets. It's been a peaceful and positive change of environments. I only wish dad could have enjoyed it longer, you know?
0 comments:
Post a Comment