Ryan has gone over to dig mom out this morning. She won't get out when there's any sort of snow or ice, so maybe if Ryan gets her shovelled out she'll feel free to roam about the world again.
She'd also like a small handrail built for her one or two deck stairs. Ryan will probably handle the latter since he's been in woodshop for two years now and loves building with wood.
Ryan is Mom's little buddy. She picked him up after school Friday and had him drive her around in dad's big truck to take the recycling out to the recycling plant both for herself, and for one of her friends, and then to take her shopping, then on to her friend's house. She had Ryan take down her friend's Christmas lights while they were there. Ryan does a lot of little odd jobs for Mom and her friends, and it seems to be a good working relationship for all of them. Mom is very proud of having Ryan to chauffer her about.
Mom's still doing pretty well, and talks a lot about things she still needs to get done due to dad's death. She's planning a garage sale in our City Wide event April 24th, and she surely has a lot to put into it. I think she intends to sell some of dad's books, and maybe some of his clothes. My oldest sis mentioned coming down for that, and I kind of hope she'll help Mom some with set-up and clean-up as while Mom loves having garage sales, they're a little bit of a pain to organize and tear down. It will be even more so without dad's help this time. I wouldn't mind some sibling assistance on this one as I've been doing it with Mom for the past 3 years, twice annually, and would love someone else to jump in on that one. It gets particuarly challenging if it chooses to rain, drizzle or sleet on those dates, KWIM? Mom makes about $200 each time she has a sale, and all her girlfriends stop by so it's a big social thing for her, but it's also a ton of work.
I'm really proud of all Mom accomplished Friday. Dad's life insurance monies finally came Thursday night (Mom's mail doesn't arrive until 5 p.m., well after the bank closes). Mom took my advice and not only paid off dad's funeral arrangements, but went ahead and pre-paid for her own so it'll be just as she wants it. She told me where she put the certificate/papers so if the time comes I'll know where to find that information.
She then went and paid off her car (in full!), and US Bank didn't charge her any penalties for having done so. After all of that she was left with $100 to deposit into her local bank account.
Mom still has a few things left to tidy up, like the car titles and removing dad's name from them. She also needs to contact dad's cell provider and have that disconnected, and the minutes transferred to her cell phone. She's put that off as she says when she calls it seems the call goes to India and the translation is often difficult for her. She said she always ends up on the phone with them 2-3 hours when she calls, but she'll try to take care of that on Monday. She uses Tracphone rather than a regular cell plan, and it makes it a little more difficult that a standard provider. Dad's phone contract is up in May, and he has nearly 2000 minutes on his cell. Mom is hoping they'll cancel his plan and let her keep all the minutes they paid for. I really don't know how it works with one of those pay-as-you-go plans.
Mom will next need to go to the Title Company to provide a death certificate and remove dad's name from the house title, and I think she has that slotted for this next week as well.
I think she has a bank account in KC to resolve still, but she's waiting on that one until she hears as to when the KC house is sold. The utility bills for that house come direct withdrawal out of her KC account, and the utilities are all in dad's name. Due to that she's hestitant to muck with that account until the house is sold.
Today's dilemma with the KC house was getting the driveway cleared of snow when we're two hours away. Uncle called me to inquire as to who normally handled this for the folks. I knew who it was, but didn't know how to contact him. So, I called Mom, who then called the guy to clear the driveway. Thankfully he agreed to allow Mom to mail him a check for the service, and he got it cleaned off within an hour of her call. We needed it taken care of quickly as Uncle was showing the house again today.
The selling of the house via Craig's List is looking positive. The young couple who looked at it the other day wanted to see it again today, and I would presume they'd bring their parents along this time. They said they have two large dogs, and were thrilled with the huge yard that comes with the house. They were also excited about the 3 sheds and two car garage. I had thought the big lot and all the out-buildings might be a good selling point.
She also has some CD's in a Harrisonville bank that she needs to do something with, but those are hers so it shouldn't be a big issue other than seeing if they need to be rolled over, maybe moving them closer to home, and updating her beneficiaries.
After all of this is finally resolved she plans to have a new will drawn up using a local attorney, then filed with the local courts to make things easier. We expect a family drama like none other when that time arrives, and Mom doesn't want people arguing or picking through her things. I can imagine since my Uncle is the executor dad chose (and Mom intends to keep) that he'll keep things in hand. I hope so anyway. His daughter, my cousin, is his second if he's unable, and I know she's no-nonsense and won't put up with anything. I think having someone other than Mom's children handle the estate is a good idea. It should keep down the squabbling and nonsense.
Hopefully when Mom's time comes my sister, brother and niece won't feel the need to sit on the very back row of the chapel "for closure" during Mom's services. What a time to make a public display/statement, you know? My brother in particular hadn't spoken to or visited mom in 11 years, so the first time she sees him in all that time that's how he chose to behave, you know? The sis who sat with him, my online stalker, claimed to not have Mom's phone number here in Podunk, and mom had moved 4 years ago. Mom and Dad are listed in the white pages, so finding said number wouldn't have been difficult. An internet seach at whitepages.com or a call to 411 would have given the number to her easy enough. I guess that was her excuse for not having called in the past 4 years, the lack of phone number access, though she had emailed mom on occasion and could have asked for it at any time. Oh well.
That behavior via my siblings at dad's service was so embarassing to mom as many of her local friends noticed (since Mom had introduced them in the greeting line) and they didn't understand her children treating Mom that way at dad's service. Mom's best friend, Rhetta, keeps re-assuring Mom that maybe not too many people noticed. I don't know. I think it was noticed by many in all honesty, but I won't ever say such to Mom. I know all the Uncles asked me about it, as if know why they'd behave as they did. Whatever my siblings feelings were toward the deceased, there was no need to hurt the living, you know? But, it is what it is. Families are complicated units.
Mom won't ever say anything to my sis about the way she acted at dad's service as Mom likes to keep the peace, but to be treated that way by her children when she was going through this huge personal loss did hurt her unreasonably. (It never ceases to amaze me how people can twist something and make an event such as this about THEM and in about gaining attention to their cause rather than leaving the focus to where it was intended, such as compassion for those who are hurting and mourning their loss. In a way their back-pew behavior at dad's service reminds me much of that Baptist church that's gotten famous for picketing soldier's funerals. How disrespectful, hurtful, and lacking in compassion can a group be, you know? Funerals are really more of a rite-of-passage ritual for the living, wouldn't you say? )In my opinion the fact that dad was dead should have been enough for them without putting on some public display, but whatever. People do as the will without regard to how it affects everyone else. I know that behavior hurt my dad's brothers feelings in addition to hurting mom's since they were close to dad and mourning their loss. I doubt the sibs thought about how their behavior impacted the living, I imagine they only wanted one last act of revenge toward dad.
Mom is hopeful that some of those angsts that appeared at Dad's service are now mending as she's been hearing from my sisters about once a week in recent days, and the back-pew sitter sister told her she'd be down to visit again on an upcoming weekend. Mom's wary as to why she's suddenly taken an interest in her (the same as I'm wary of her sudden interest in my blog) but for Mom's sake I hope the re-newed interest in Mom is a positive attempt to re-connect so that the family relationship gets resolved to something more "normal" in upcoming years. Hopefully prior to Mom's passing. Maybe we'll get lucky and Mom will live to age 93 like her own mother did. That should leave plenty of time to mend those very barbed fences.
I hate getting on this topic, but with all mom is STILL dealing with and going through in settling things it's never far from our minds. Everything is different with dad gone. The things that dad handled Mom is now getting figured out. She had to have a car tire fixed last week, and that's the first time in years she's ever had to do such a thing. It wasn't a big deal, just another one of those things, a change in what-was normal versus what life is now for Mom.
I check on Mom repeatedly through each day since she's alone. I don't want her to pass quietly like dad did and then not be found. *shudder* I suppose it's one of my own reactions to all of this that I need to work through. I think going over after Mom called because she couldn't wake dad up haunts me some.
I couldn't wake him up either, you know? His pulse was gone by that time. His lips were already turning blue. I knew the moment I saw him that it was too late to do anything even though I'd hoped otherwise. I'd never imagined finding my father dead.
Sitting there waiting for 911 to arrive, meeting them at the door to tell them they were too late, that dad was gone, and then sitting with dad while waiting on the coroner and while Mom filled out papers and dad's medical information...well, it was surreal.
I'm a little jumpy now if Mom doesn't answer the phone. That's twice now that I've had to sit with a loved one when they passed, and I sincerely hope to not have to do so again, though I imagine that's my job if or when Mom passes since I'm the one here to take care of her. It makes me anxious. I can do it, yes, but hopefully not too soon.
Mom's blood pressure, btw, has gone back to normal without the medications. She told me she doesn't plan to go on the blood pressure meds, and will talk with her doc on this at the next visit. She checks her pressure every morning, and now that she isn't on the bronchitis meds and the stress is winding down it's been within normal limits during the past week.
I need to remind Mom to send dad's military discharge papers into social security. They said it might make a difference as he'd have six more years attached to his employment earnings if she did so. I'll have to ask if she's done that yet.
I'm guessing when all is said and done all of these changes might be wrapped up in about six months or so, and maybe at that time life will flow more normally once again. We're still hashing out a new "normal". I feel guilty with having left Mom sitting home alone yesterday and today due to snow, and due to our need to get that room ready for my daughter & granddaughter, and in getting Ryan packed for his big trip.
We're still working on framing in the windows in the spare bedroom for my daughter. It's a challenge as the house was built in 1918, so there are layers of lathe and plaster under the sheetrock. This means that from the house frame in there's several layers to be built up just to get level with the inner sheetrocked walls. It's slow going.
Once all the underlayers around the window edges are re-built we'll be able to build the window frames, trim it out, etc. It's a long process to get to prior to painting and carpet. Prepping this room isn't a matter of a fresh coat of paint and a vacuum, you know?
I'm beginning to think that we won't have the painting done prior to Cassie's arrival. We'll get the new carpet laid by sheer determination, but it will have to be done on a weeknight. We have two rolls of new carpet in Mom and Dad's storage unit, and Mom's been after us to get them moved out anyway as she's turning the storage unit holding my grandmother's old car over to one of my Uncles. Dad would have wanted him to have the car. I think it's a 1950's Ford Fairlane. Don't quote me on that, but irregardless it's meant to stay in dad's family, which means we need to get the carpet out of the way anyway.
I don't know yet where we'll store the 2nd role of carpet yet as we only need one of them for the bedroom. The second role was meant for the master bedroom which we aren't ready to tackle yet, particuarly not when we're working on these two other rooms for the daughter and grand.
This was one of our spring projects anyway, it just had to be stepped up quicker due to my son-in-law's deployment. I would venture to guess my daughter has no idea how hard Ron is working to get everything prepped for her, and I suspect we still won't quite make the mark. *sigh* It really does need some paint as when her brother, Max, moved out of it he left the white walls somewhat grungy. He was sneaking cigarettes and wasn't tidy in his sneakings.
She and my granddaughter should both arrive by Friday, and we still have soooo much to do. I'm dreading moving my computer back to the corner of the dining room. *sigh* It makes things feel so cramped in there. It's only for 6 months though, right?
Speaking of my son, Max, he's moving again. He called to tell me this yesterday. This time he's moving into some other relative's trailer with his dad, and I don't know how that will go. My understanding is they won't have to pay rent, only utilities, so maybe it'll go okay.
The ex is still fighting his alcohol demons. He's been out of work for about two years now, and recently the VA sent him to college for re-training since he didn't qualify for disability like he'd hoped. I think since he's taking classes maybe he's doing better with his drinking and pot addictions, but I don't know for certain. I have concerns considering he'd recently suggested (to the cousin Max was living with) that they should be giving Max pot to help him sleep at night (instead of prescription meds), but since my son is 18 I have no say in matters. I can only listen and hope for the best for my son.
In the midst of all of the above we've been getting Ryan packed and ready for his trip to Florida. He's going to a competition at Disney with the school band, and leaves early Tuesday morning. We had to go to the bank yesterday to activate his credit/debit card that's attached to his savings account. We hadn't done prior to now as you can imagine that at 15 he isn't great about keeping money in his bank account anyway, but for this we thought it was best he didn't tote nearly $300 in his wallet. I'm guessing the boy will come home broke, but we'll see how it goes.
It was $720 for the trip, and another $59 for food during the trip (all pre-purchased and arrange through the school), but then one of his hotel roommates backed out and we had to buck up yet another $75 at the last minute. Oh, and of course he had to be packed, have travel-toiletries, and permission slips galore. I think it's a great opportunity for him, but this trip combined with my daughter's wedding has made for an expensive month.
To add insult to injury the HS sent out the kids class ring orders, and of course it's time for Ryan to have his. I had to have that with the $70 down-payment in by Friday. Go figure.
Need I mention that his mom did not contribute to any of the above? She did finally mail Ryan $40 for spending monies for his trip. Ryan is hoping to bring back a souvenier for his niece and two nephews, but with things as expensive as I know they are at Disney, I don't know what luck he'll have. I'm a bit disgruntled that he doesn't want to take a camera with him. He said he'll just take pics with his cell phone. *sigh* Boys.
My trip to KU in KC is tomorrow. I have appointments with two specialists the same day, and had to take off work again. I'm hoping my appointments will begin to lessen from here.
I believe I'm nearly done with the rheumatologist, though I plan to ask him for one more shot in my shoulder, and one for my elbow tomorrow to fix the bursitis he found last time. One injection in under each knee cap seems to have cured my knees. He said one injection is often all that's needed to carry you for a few years. My shoulder is sore again though, so maybe a 2nd one will put it to rights.
Did I mention they discovered during my last round of tests that the achiness and fatigue I still have was due to a Vitamin D deficiency? They put me on 50,000 mg of Vitamin D weekly for 6 months. I've been on it a month now, and I feel as if I'm already picking up and feeling better. I'm not nearly as tired, and I don't wake up stiff and achey like I did for so long. I guess this Vitamin D is some serious stuff. I would never have guessed something a simple as this could make a person feel so bad.
I was nearly bottomed out according to the test counts, so I'm lucky I didn't have a heart attack or something. They said it was surprising that I hadn't been breaking bones as that kind of deficiency causes bones to become brittle and break at little more than a bump. I'd been bruising easily, but I'm lucky it didn't get any worse than that and severe aches.
I guess the next question is going to be WHY I had the Vitamin D deficiency. It's one thing to know what's wrong, but after fixing that, one has to figure out the underlying contribution to the problem. My vitamin D levels are going to have to be watched and re-tested periodically for awhile to see if this deficiency was only due to treatment, or if it's something other. One's liver is what stores and metabolizes Vitamin D for the body, so the question now remaining is whether or not my liver is still doing such, or able to do such. I don't yet know which specialist I'll be following up on for that. I have to re-test those levels in 3 months, then again at 6 months when I end these high doseages, then again at 9 months to see if I'm still maintaining or if I'm dropping again. *sigh* I really want this to all be over as I'm tired of mucking around with this never-ending saga.
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